coal (2)
coal, part 2
…So I began to pour myself out to God in prayer. I went systematically down that list and I began to give each of those failures to God. And as I did, He began to minister to me. He began to bring to my mind scriptures that reminded me that He loved me and accepted me unconditionally. And he took me back to that moment just a few years before, when the girl who had led me to Christ told me the one thing I had never before heard or believed about God; that He loved me, just as I was.
How had I so quickly forgotten? How could I be so grateful that he had accepted me into His Kingdom the day I gave my life to him, and at the same time continue to try to earn my place in his presence? For it was my imperfection that compelled him to die for my sins. And it was for that same imperfection that he offered his salvation through grace.
He then reminded me of more scripture, where he had promised to guide and enable and strengthen me through the power of his Holy Spirit. He showed me that I will never achieve perfection, at least not here on earth. I am still, and forever will be, a work in progress. And in that moment, as I accepted and understood that God loves me right where I am now and is helping me become more like him each day,my spirit was finally at peace. I was able to just rejoice and rest in His love. And I finally knew what discipleship was really all about.
As I thought about how to share this newfound wisdomwith those women, God spoke to me in that semicreepy way he likes to do where the world stops for a second andyou hear (not audibly of course) this still small voice speak to you and you think “maybe I have a brain tumor.”
He told me how to share this message with that women’s group, and I was aghast. But so grateful for my new understanding of discipleship, and so eager to make sure my audience understood that God loves us even through our deepest flaws, I promised to obey Him.
So I finished my outline, went to the conference, and I did what he told me to do. I shared what I had learned about discipleship and I even shared that list of failures. And then, in keeping with my promise to do as he said, I did the ultimate thing.
I sang.
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