coal (3)

coal, part 3

read coal (1)

read coal (2)

… Now let me qualify this. I did not sing a glorious song of praise to the King of Creation in a pitch perfect falsetto. Not even close. I stink at singing. Perhaps I will get to sing in a heavenly choir someday, but here on earth, I am not at all blessed in this area. My own mother has repeatedly asked me not so sing out loud in public. As a result, I have never done it, at least not since a humiliating experience in grade school that haunts me still.

Paradoxically, God has given me a great love and passion for music. So in addition to my promise to obey him and sing in front of all those women, I simply didn’t feel like I could tell my story without the help of it. Music has always been a great source of inspiration to me and I have always believed that almost no story can aptly told without the help of an aching melody or lyric.

Now, I don’t mean to misrepresent myself as overly deep when I say this. The real reason I feel this way is because I actually suffer from an affliction that my family calls “Lyrical Rainman.” Essentially, I have a jukebox in my head that plays millions of songs, non-stop. Nearly every memory I have is related to or triggered by music, and a result, nearly every thought or emotion I have is accompanied by a song playing in my head. In addition, (and this is where the term affliction can be applied,) if someone says a certain word that reminds me of a lyric somewhere, my brainbox immediately begins to play that song. It is rather distracting at times, to say the least, especially since there is apparently no screening process to get on my playlist. So when I thought about this topic of discipleship and how we aren’t perfect just yet, naturally a song popped into my head. And stayed.

So when I found myself needing to communicate, scared silly before this huge group of women, I wanted the lesson to stick. I wanted to give them something to remember when they left – a tiny morsel of God’s grace all wrapped up in a little ditty they could keep in their heads and their hearts. I wanted them to have a song.

So I sang. Not some beautiful rousing song of praise or a solemn hymn of repentance. I sang part of a chorus to an old country and western song by Billy Joe Shaver. And to top it all off, I sang it so badly that I saw a few women actually physically wince. But God had asked me to do it, and so I did.

And I sang,

“I’m just an old chunk of coal

But I am gonna be a diamond someday”

Now, likely that will be the only time I ever sing in public (and after that performance, I will likely not be asked to speak again either). But I did it. I sang it because it was silly and funny, and because it is one of the truest biblical statements ever uttered in a song or in my walk with Christ. I felt like it was the theme song, if you will, for discipleship. I love the illustration the song lends to the promise of change and refinement under his care. And I love that all throughout God’s word, I see story after story of God taking someone the world deemed as a worthless chunk of coal and making them into a diamond disciple.

Following Him isn’t about having perfect discipline in every area of your life. Just as religion is not the same as relationship, discipline is not necessarily discipleship. Sure, discipline and selfcontrol are godly attributes, but there are thousands (possibly millions) of people in this world who live far more disciplined lives than I do, but are not his disciples. Listed as a “fruit of the Spirit” in Galatians 5:22-23, self-control certainly speaks to obedience in our walk with Christ. But obedience and perfection are two very different things, as was evidenced in my singing that day.🙂

The problem with perfection is that it leaves no room for grace. And in a world that strives for more and perfect, discipleship asks only for love and surrender. If I were perfect, I wouldn’t need him so desperately. And it is that very desperation and desire to follow him that makes me his disciple. Discipleship is simply having the courage to follow Him daily, and believing his promise to guide, shape, and refine me into something beautiful. 

And it isn’t about me anyway. It is because of who HE is that makes me who I am. Because I am HIS, I am good. And because of HIS love for me and my love back, HIS sacrifice has made me whole. He is a good God, He is a loving God, He is a merciful God, He is a forgiving God. And He is a God who keeps his promises.

I can trust that in paradise with him some day, I will be finally be a diamond –a gleaming glorious treasure all shined up from a life lived under the comforting weight of his love. And in the meantime, I can rest in the knowledge that He loves me just as I am and does not judge my past sins or failures. He is a God that values, not based on what is now, but on what will be.

So when he looks at me, he doesn’t see the mess I am today, but instead the woman his love is molding and shaping me to be. He does the same for you. So if you have found yourself in that same frustrating place I have, where your lifesong is just a little out of tune; rejoice. If you have listed out your failures and determined that you will never be good enough; celebrate. Join me, my fellow someday-diamonds, in a song of praise to the God who isn’t finished with us yet.

Thanks for reading coal, one of my most published pieces.  I will go back to regular blogging next week.   I would love to hear your feedback on the ways God is shaping you into something beautiful!!! Please email me your story or feel free to post it here.