I can be such a whiner. I can get up every morning and drink clean water and eat whatever I want and have a bed and a house and a husband and my health and my job and my family and my friends and my church and my dogs and my beautiful blessed life and still find something to whine about. I don’t like this about myself. I don’t like whiners.
And undoubtedly, you are also probably so tired of me whining about how overwhelmed I feel. But the beauty of a blog is I get to say what I want and today I want to whine a little more. But before I do, I must first thank you and apologize.
Thank you for all your responses on space. Several of you posted comments and many many more sent texts and emails letting me know just how much you identified with that piece. In fact, of all the pieces I have posted, I think that one got the biggest reaction. Having space in our lives and striving for God’s best is something we all struggle with. And I so appreciate you reaching out to share your struggles and stories with me and what God is teaching you about space. I learn so much from you when you do and I am honored that you would share with me. Because it is such a big thing in all our lives and God has been digging-pushing-teaching on this topic, I hope to write more about it.
And I am sorry I have gone MIA the last couple of weeks. I had hoped to be able to post weekly and always have these wonderful profound messages from God to share, but that just hasn’t been my life lately. Thank you for not sending me hate mail and pissy posts about my ineptitude in writing on a regular basis. The enemy likes to tell me that since I can’t come up with something fabulous and godly every Tuesday morning by 9am, I have nothing to contribute and am a joke. Not funny.
So as a segway to the whining, I am grateful that you read the things I do write, and sorry that I can’t do it as consistently as I would like. But this is the end of our busiest selling season in real estate (my day job) and I have barely had time to breathe, much less write. Also, I try to wait til I feel like God has given me a word to share as opposed to just making something up to talk about. And while God has surely told me what He would like me to write about next, I have been too busy whining to sit down and listen and do it. So much for my preaching about space and filling it with all the right things. :)
But as we know all too well, sometimes our circumstances do a really good job of getting in the way of the things we want and need the most. Whether it is jobs or kids or whatever, it can be hard to find the time to sit down and connect with God and the people you love instead of just battling to get through the day and check off our tasks. It takes energy to connect and I am all out of that right now. Often during seasons like this, my prayer life is more about whining about how busy and tired I am and then feeling guilty and switching to thanking God for giving me enough business to be so tired and busy. But did He notice how tired and busy I was? So could He help me with it please? But not by taking away any business of course. Just by making everyone do what I want them to do, how I want them to do it, and the second I want them to do it. Amen.
Sometimes I wonder if God rolls His eyes at me when I pray. Because I have to tell you, if I had to listen to some of my prayers day after day after day, I would be a professional eye-roller. 13-year-olds would take classes from me because of my advanced skills at eye rolling and impatient sighing. But luckily, all I read and learn about God says that He is kind and patient and cares about the tiniest little things in our tiny little lives.
So I am trying to focus on the light at the end of the real estate tunnel (which is when everyone goes back to school) when there should be a little more space in my life. And I am already preaching to myself about practicing what I preach and filling that space with the better things, with His best. Even now, when I am so tired and just want to stay in my bed those few more minutes, I am trying to stay in the habit of getting up and going for a run, and getting alone with Him to remember who I am and especially whose I am. I wish I could choose that best thing every day because I see such a difference in my day when I do. God is so good and I am better when I take the time to remember that.
So for now, I get up and run when I can scrounge up the energy and discipline to do so. And when a writing idea pops into my head, I jot it down somewhere and save it for a time (hopefully next week?) where I can sit down and get deep and say something real. So I hope to be back and focused very soon. In the meantime, I appreciate your patience with my whining. And feel free to roll your eyes.