I LOVE A GOOD STORY.
For as long as I can remember, I have always loved to lose myself in music, books, and stories. I love the freedom that the written and spoken word gives us- the freedom to feel more deeply or live more bravely or just be someone else for a while. Even as a child, I always had my ears in headphones, my nose in a book, and my mind in another world altogether.
And I have always loved to write- short stories, long stories, poetry, songs. Writing has always been the way I feel and cope and heal. And because it is so healing to me, it has always been my private thing. It is the place I go, all by myself or just with God, to fight and struggle and learn and really allow myself to be me. So when God asked me to write down my story, I did so gladly. But then when He asked me to share it, I balked.
For one thing, when I write, it is the one place where I am totally and utterly honest with myself. It is the one safe space where I tell the truth about what I really feel, where I really struggle, and who I really am. And to share that with anyone goes against all I know. Because, for as long as I can remember, I have been faking it.
Ever since I was a child, I have learned to shape and reshape who I am to receive approval and feel loved. I have mastered the art of gauging what someone wants in that moment, and then becoming that version of myself in hopes of gaining their acceptance. I have learned to lie.
But when I write, I tell the truth. And when He asked me to tell my story, He asked me to tell that true version, not the fluffed up versions I have been telling and even believing since childhood. See, the problem I have with the truth is that it isn’t always pretty. And I would prefer to skip over the ugly parts of my story and just write the beautiful chapters; the ones about Him and who He is and what He is doing in my life. But when God called me to write, He told me that in order to really tell the story of who He is, I must first tell the truth about who I am, and who I was, especially. Because this story He has given me to tell is steeped in adventure and adversity, in mercy and messes, and in faith and failure. In other words, I can’t tell you about victory without being vulnerable. And I can’t tell you about redemption without being real.
So I have set out on a journey – I know I must share who He is and what He has done in my life with others so that they may know the same joy and peace and redemption that He has shown me. I know I must tell the truth. I know I must say yes.
So, to be honest, I am terrified. Telling the truth about my life is a foreign concept to me and likely will even be a foreign concept to those who hear my story. We live in a world bursting with lies. We tell them and hear them and believe them readily and sometimes truth is not welcomed or rewarded. But every time I dare to tell it, every time I make the choice to be seen as just me – the me I have always been convinced is no one special or not enough – He is glorified. Because my story, just like yours, is the story of the gospel. It is the story of failure and forgiveness, of refining and redemption, and of healing and hope.
And really, what good are the stories He has given us if they are never told? What good are our songs if they are never given a voice? And what good is redemption if no one ever knows the Redeemer? Only our failures can give voice to his healing and power. And it is only when we strip ourselves down to the messes we are and dare to be seen that we give his redemption a chance to shine.
So if I can only lead people to the truth of who He is by telling the truth of who I am, then let’s get this party started. I am a sinner, a slob, a faker, a terrible singer, a controller, a hypocrite, an even worse dancer, a speeder, a judger, an over-eater, a liar, and a lover of bad TV.
I am human and I am a mess, but I am His.
And it is my desire to be living, breathing, writing, blogging, singing proof that God is a keeper of promises and lover of all who seek Him.
So this blog is the very first chapter of my story – The Yes Chapter. This is my step out into obedience the great unknown beyond. #ISaidYes toGod and will begin to tell you the raw and barren truth of who I was and who I am becoming, so that the story of who He is and how He is changing my life can really be told.
This is my story; this is my song. This is my journey to redemption.
please join me on this journey by checking back on this blog often or subscribing to receive notifications of new posts.
See you on the road.